I need a change. Then again make that..many changes. I need to make a life-changing decision to change my life. But where do I begin? Many would say I have a pretty good life (from what they can see, that is). I have a god job at a big commercial bank, fully loaded with benefits and all. I live on my own in a neat little apartment which is centrally located and quite comfortable. I have my own car, a nice family....the list goes on. So what's my problem???! (that's what you are wondering right?). My problem is I need a change. Simple as that. I have never been one to be excited about change, but lately I have come to appreciate it tremendously. On the other hand it scares me to death, I won't lie. In my recent journey to see change as a positive thing, I have come to the realization that most people, myself included, misunderstand and in turn fear change.
Let me get to my point. I have been working in the bank for 10 years now. The first 6 years I was a teller. By about year 4 I was boooorrrred and yearning for a change. I applied for other positions all over. Anything I could find! Finally I got one.Jackpot!! Hooray..a change! Now I have been in this current position for 4 years.Guess who is bored to death again.Yup..ME. But this time I am not interested in trying to find a "new position". It just won't be enough. I need a change. A real change. Not a shift or a movement. A change. The kind of change that makes you forget where you were before it happened.Better yet, the kind of change that makes you not even care what happened one second before it began. That irreversible, can't look back, won't look back, not interested to look back kind of change. The problem is....very few people feel this way. Or maybe they do but prefer to ignore it. You see, to want change, this type of huge life-altering, turn everything upside down type of change is perceived as an ungrateful act. How could I dare to want to leave my "good" job to want more? ...To be happy? ...what's that about? They just can't understand it. I used to fight with them and try to get them to see my point but I have accepted we are different. They have decided that despite being sick of their job, the perks and being able to pay the bills, the mortgage and drive a nice car makes them "happy".Or at least it doesn't make them sad. Yes I want to have a nice car and a house and be able to buy nice things....but the fact is I also want to be able to do those things and do something I like.
Gasp!Blasphemy!
Yes I said it. I want more, but I want it my way. So I am making a change. It doesn't make me ungrateful for my job or anything I have accomplished. As a matter of fact I am most thankful for my journey because it has brought me to where I currently am.Where I should be.
It is sad that we have been molded into settlers. Persons who should just be grateful for where we are and not dare to venture the realms of what we could be. Persons who are realistic and logical and discouraged from dreaming. Slaves to our responsibilities and bound by our circumstances. Limited.Stuck. Suffocated by imaginary boundaries encrypted in our brains. When we were in high school we were told we could become anything we dared to imagine...but pick one. One path. One major. One career....one way to be "successful" and inevitably one avenue to "happiness".
I didn't choose my path...didn't go to college to pursue a major...and I don't have a career.For many years I was angry with myself for screwing up my life and missing my one chance to be successful, accepting I would never see happiness all because I could not choose my single focus. I made myself fit into the settler mold just being content with the little I had and making it feel like much. That clearly didn't work, because here I am frustrated out of my mind, wiggling out of the mold I never fit in to begin with. In a boundary-free world where business partners are on separate continents and teleconference calls replace board meetings, why should I be confined, in my ideas, my thoughts, my aspirations or dreams?
I choose to make a change. I choose to dream. I choose to believe and let God do the rest.
I choose change.
